Love Is a Choice

I am currently caught in what I like to call “The Wedding Phase” of any American girl’s life. It’s those few years right after college where the majority of your peers get married. When you are a single girl with no prospects, it feels like everyone caught the wedding bug but you. I am not fully into the phase, but I see myself going into it, feet dragging on the floor.

As a result of this phase, love has become a topic of thought and conversation around me lately. I have gotten the chance to talk to women both in “The Wedding Phase” and out, whether older or younger. No matter who I talk to about it, the same few questions come up. The first is about feeling. If I feel love toward someone, why isn’t it working out? Why doesn’t he love me back? If this isn’t the relationship for me, why do I feel differently about him than anyone else? Unfortunately, culture has sold us this lie that love is something you feel. There is a  quote from a film that says, “I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you.” I’m not commenting on the movie itself, but isn’t that exactly what we expect love to be, some overwhelmingly satisfying feeling? What happens if that feeling goes away or goes unreciprocated?

The second issue always raised by women is the one of pursuing. Why do I have to sit around and wait for a man to love me? Why can’t I ask him out, and eventually he’ll love me back? Women have come a long way with independence throughout history, so how does that translate to relationships and love?

The answer came to me recently during a wedding. I was a bridesmaid for one of my best friend and got to share in her special day. Before the couple exchanged vows, the pastor gave a charge to each of them. The charge that he gave to the husband was to choose his wife, daily. He told him to choose his wife over his hobbies, his job, and his future children. He told him to choose his wife, even when she uses hurtful words or doesn’t notice that he has done something well. He told him to choose his wife because Christ chose us.

Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” And Ephesians 1:3-4 says, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ…just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him.”

It suddenly hit me. God chose us! He chose us before the foundation of the world. And he followed through with his choice, even while we walked in sin! According to Scripture, that is love. He demonstrated His love in choosing us before the foundation of the world and dying for us while we were still sinners.

Ephesians 5 talks about husbands and wives reflecting the gospel to the world. A husband loves his wife like the Christ loves the church. Christ loves the church by choosing her, even though she walked in sin.

That is the kind of love I want. I don’t want a love run by feelings that may come or go. I don’t want a love where I have to exercise my independence and go chasing after someone. I know what it is like to be chosen by the Creator of the world and I want a love that reflects that.

Whether you are single, married, or somewhere in between, I encourage you to choose Biblical love. Embrace the love that the Father has for you and let that give you the strength.

Kristina is a attends University of Georgia and is a Theater major. She first came to Transform Student Ministries as a Boot Camper, then, came back several years later as one of our Summer Interns, and has staffed at Boot Camp. Kristina loves the Lord with all her heart, and wants to follow Him fully! Her love for the Lord is contagious. 

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One Response


I am in the “Wedding Phase” right now too! BUt I haven’t even graduated yet!! I have friends MY AGE who are engaged….scary. And while I KNOW I’m no where near ready to be married, I still find myself feeling this things you’ve voiced in this article. I totally agree with everything you said, Kristina. :DD We’ve GOT to fall in love with Jesus!

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